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The harm I caused myself and those closest to me was unbelievable.
My name is Tash and I am an addict with an eating disorder.
When I was 8, my father died in a motorbike accident. In the months that followed, life was no longer a fairytale, I struggled with understanding his death and that I would never see him again. I became aware of the worlds ways and wanted to not be a burden to my Mother. To do this, I felt I had to let go of my free nature and take control in some way. The logical way to me was through food. By eating less, I was not only saving my Mom money, I was being more mature by doing my part.
Throughout my teen years I experimented with drugs and alcohol and was unable to keep a healthy relationship. The only relationship I kept was my love for horses, which carried me through this difficult time. By the time I was 23, working as a stewardess for Emirates, my identity was made up of drugs, multiple sexual partners, binging on laxatives and controlling what I eat with the aim of being the thinnest person in the world. An identity that I could share with no one in my family. It had to be a secret. The shame and guilt of this secret led me to try and take my life with an overdose of sleeping pills.
My overdose broke the secret, my roommates found me and contacted my Mother. She did all she could including later admitting me to a 21-day clinic. Upon leaving the clinic I immediately relapsed, stole my Mother’s car and rolled it off a cliff at high speed. This is when it became clear to all that I needed more help. I came to Healing Wings for treatment in 2016. The program was hard and challenged me in ways I could not imagine. But it gave me my freedom and today I stand 3 years sober.
I now give my life to help others find that freedom through the equine program at Healing Wings.
You may think help isn’t out there, but it is.